So, I made a decision today. I have cancelled all my online dating profiles.
I’ve been wasting so much time checking all my different inboxes, waiting to see who, if anyone, has emailed me or checked out my profile. And it’s just wrong. Creating new profiles on 284759684727 sites only to find the exact same people on each and every site. Ok, there are some new ones and each one offends me more than the last.
And, it’s bruising my ego.
I’ll admit, I cannot stand it if I email someone and they don’t respond. It drives me fucking bonkers. I hate the waiting. The wondering. The what-if of it all. And it hurts. Why don’t they email me back? Why don’t they like me? Is it the way I look? Is it something I wrote in my profile?
And I shouldn’t be this way. I don’t know these people. I have no vested interest in them, nor do they in me. I feel that I’ve lost myself. Become this other person I don’t know.
This cyber-dating whore.
Paying to meet someone.
And that’s not who I am. I don’t randomly date people I don’t know. I never used to dislike myself as much as I do now. I’ve never felt this alone.
So I’m done with it all. If it happens, it happens. I need to get back to me. And be comfortable with that. I’m a great person and I forget that sometimes.
So here’s me…
I’m generous. A pretty good cook (I make a mean Chicken Marsala and chocolate creme brulee.) I love Disney and I love to take pictures of people who offend me while I’m there. I text too much and get impatient when people don’t respond ASAP. I leave my shoes all over the house. I spend way too much money on Coach bags. I am too critical of myself. But I’m working on it. I *think* I want children someday but scared to death I’ll be a terrible parent. I love sex and miss having it regularly, but I won’t settle and just have sex to have sex. I smoke, and I know I need to quit. I drink too much red wine. I watch too much television and I love every minute of it. I own a bazillion books and I’ve read most of them. I love Christmas and spend it at my parents house every year (and I make my dad ready Twas the Night Before Christmas every year.) I’ve been to Europe, but have never visited our nations capital. I twitch my nose when I get nervous and I’ve been doing it way too much lately. Candyman scared the crap out of me. I got a perm once when I was in the 4th grad and thought it would be great if I wore an Annie dress to school. I never lived that one down. I love massages, but have a hard time relaxing. I usually get there about 30 minutes into it! I hate to wear dresses, but I love skirts. I love dressing up for Halloween, but hate decorating for Christmas (I’ll blame that on my sister and save that for another post!) I can have a wicked temper at times. I love to say fuck. I’d give almost anyone the shirt off my back.
That’s me…in the raw. And I’m taking me back.
{ 1 trackback }
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
HELLS YEAH GIRL! This post just made me smile so much. I have just recently began to “put myself out there” and I can already feel myself getting crazy. I have been so good on my own, I don’t want to be that person who checks my phone every 10 seconds. I’ve done the online dating thing, and it was the worst then. I hated having to paint a picture of myself that I would never live up to.
I love that you were an Annie costume to school. I hope you have pictures somewhere!
Hellz no! There is no picture of that disaster of an Annie attempt I made. If there, I will find them and burn them.
he’s out there. you’re awesome.
Thanks!
Online dating you can do without.
Just go out there and look good, it will happen for you.
This is true. The was actually the first time I *really* ventured into online dating and it’s just not for me. I know it will happen, it just takes time
This post reminds me of a quote from Steinbeck.
“For I have always lived violently, drunk hugely, eaten too much or not at all, slept around the clock or missed two nights of sleeping, worked too hard and too long in glory, or slobbed for a time in utter laziness. I’ve lifted, pulled, chopped, climbed, made love with joy and taken my hangovers as a consequence, not as a punishment. I do not want to surrender fierceness for a small gain in yardage.” John Steinbeck, Travels with Charley.
I found what I was looking for a few days after I quit looking.
Well, I’ve been off the cyber junk for two whole days now! We’ll see what happens! Great quote, BTW!
I know what you mean. Dating is so tough. Strangely enough, I actually met my current boyfriend on Craigslist. Yes, Craigslist. We’re been together almost 2 years. I was sooooo anxious about dating after I got divorced. It’s so scary out there.
Hmm, I’ve heard a few people say they’ve used Craigslist. I might have to check that out, but for right now, I’m staying away from the cyber-dating for a little bit!
It always seems to happen when you aren’t looking. My hubby walked around a corner the bar I worked at. I was 2 weeks away from winning a bet that I couldn’t stay single for 6 months. (since I had a habit of bouncing from guy to guy)…. I put him off for two weeks and won the bet and the guy!
That’s what everyone keeps saying…so I’ll keep waiting! lol!
This weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday – http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2009/10/five-star-fridays-edition-77.html
You know, I quit online dating when:
1) I realized that it has made people act like huge jerks
and 2) I thought “You know more about someone within 30 seconds of meeting them than you do in a year of online correspondence.”
OMG I know right! I used to be on POF. Now I don’t bother. It’s al the same people doing the same song & dance. Great post!
For some reason, every time I created a profile on POF, they deleted it. I tried to set it up like three times and every time I would log back in, it said I wasn’t a member. Too much hassle for a date!
I think that internet dating works great for some people, but not for everyone. Kudos for realizing that, right now, it’s not working for you. Have fun, and love on yourself!
Exactly! Maybe it’s just not right for me right now. We’ll see how it goes!
If it makes you feel better and in control of things, surely it can only have a positive knock-on effect?
All the very best.
Great post….love the list of things about you.