So I think I’ve decided to give Nascar guy another chance. Maybe my decision was too hasty.
I mean teeth can always be fixed right? And maybe they’re not as bad as I originally thought. I was checking out some pictures on his FB page and he really is kind of cute.
The Nascar habit can always be broken too. I mean it’s not like I have to watch it. Or even like it for that matter.
And he likes to shop, one of my favorite pastimes.
So I’m thinking I may have written him off too soon. We are going to try again next Friday night. Maybe. Things can change in a week.
It’s not like I have a ton going on right now. It’s been really, painfully slow on the dating front. Which kind of sucks. Especially since I’ve been feeling pretty good about myself lately. Which is rare for me. And I’m not getting any younger. And I read an article on CNN the other day about a book by Lori Gottlieb called Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.
Now some people, after researching her, may think she’s not the ideal candidate for writing this persuasive book. She’s 42 and a single mother (she was artificially inseminated.) But I think she’s exactly the right person. She’s speaking from experience. Missed opportunity.
Now, I haven’t read the book yet, I just downloaded it yesterday and it’s in the queue on my Nook. But according to the article she interviews a bunch of experts who portray why online dating doesn’t work (yikes, I could be in trouble here), what women can really expect in their 40s (according to a US Census figure she cites there are only 72 single men for every 100 women in the 45-65 year old demographic.)
I think we all tend to hold this ideal of Prince Charming coming along and he’s perfect, no baggage, etc. But I think I need to start being realistic, especially at my age (while I am not falling into the range that the US Census quotes above, I am damn near closer to 40 than I am to 30. Ugh. I hate hearing that) most men out there will have some sort of “baggage” kids, ex-wives, etc. And maybe, by having this ideal of Prince Charming in my mind, it’s hindering me from really finding him. I could be missing out on some great experiences or opportunities because I keep telling myself, oh this one is too short, his teeth aren’t great, he’s got older kids, that’s kind of weird he has his drum set up in his bathroom, he’s got a mullet and likes to sit on the edge of his couch in a bathrobe for his profile picture. Wait, that one was crazy, that’s definitely too much baggage for me!
According to Gottlieb, she’s missed the boat several times worrying about flaws and expecting too much. But it’s really all about compromise.
I know that I certainly have flaws why should I expect someone I meet to not have any? Not that I do, but maybe there are certain flaws that need to be overlooked and compromised on, like Nascar, because I’m sure that someone would probably consider it a flaw that I leave my clothes all over my house.
So I think with an open-mind I will give this book and this guy a chance and see what both have to offer.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
I have to admit that is a very interesting perspective there. It’s not necessarily about finding ‘Mr Perfect, or Right’ it’s finding that person who despite their shortcomings or flaws, you see in your eyes perfectly.
I thought it was definitely something to think about. We’ll see if I can actually do it.
Mr. Absolutely Perfect is off the market, sigh, I’m married.
Why you gotta hate on Nascar for? The teeth thing, justdon’t cook corn on the cobb! Go with creamed corn.
If you are gonna settle settle for some cat with money, sheesh. Money can’t buy happiness but it can rent it by the hour.
Good luck!
Oh yeah if you wanna know how much Mr. Nascar wants to courtcha tell him to meet you at the zoo or somewhere like that this Sunday at 2:30 or so for an afternoon date. If he shows he picked you over Nascar, if he doesn’t then you know!
Dang it, no wondering I’m having trouble finding the perfect guy…he’s taken! lol! I’m not hating on Nascar, I’m just not a fan.
I agree with ya. My Hubby isn’t perfect. I like how Dr. Phil says to setlle for 90% of what you want. So it sounds like Nascar guy might fit into that category. I definitely don’t think you should judge someone too much on appearance. You can let the teeth thing go. I don’t know if you can let the Nascar thing go. Depends how much you dislike it. Hubby is not a Nascar guy. I don’t know any Nascar guys. So I only have the idea of the way too into Nascar guy. Will you be able to handle the amount of time he devotes to Nascar? Maybe you should find out how much time and money he spends on it before you let it go.
Great piece of advice I heard awhile ago:
Don’t imagine what your partner will be like, but how they will make you feel.
I had a whole list of things I was looking for, years ago–and he kinda fits them in his own way, but not how I’d imagined. He makes me feel safe, loved, cherished. We do a pretty good job of overlooking foibles other people would have a hard time with.
Good luck!
Great piece of advice, thanks for sharing!
I hope that both the book and the guy do not disappoint you. I think if I was single now, I would keep some young guy around for sex and then just enjoy being in charge of the remote too much to want to get married again.
However, I am lucky and married to the world’s most awesome man, so I hope to not be on the singles scene anytime soon.
Thanks. The book may not disappoint, but I think the dude gave me a taste of my own medicine and it’s bitter. I’ve not heard back from him, so I’m thinking the re-do is off the table.