***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s***

Ok, a few years ago, my uncle was diagnosed with dementia. My aunt had the patience of a saint. Who am I kidding, she really didn’t, but she put on a good show most of the time.

Now, I’m not making fun or anything because he had dementia. I think he was slightly off color before all of this came down anywhos.

So they are at home one day and it’s gotten to the point that he is mostly bedridden. He starts yelling to my aunt that he’s in pain. His toe hurts so bad that he can’t even stand it. So she’s checking out his foot to see if there is anything there and she can’t see anything. He continues his moaning and groaning about how much is toe hurts. She’s at a loss and not sure what to do, so she calls their podiatrist.

Luckily he makes housecalls, because there is no way she would have been able to get him there on her own. So, the doctor gets there and starts looking at his feet and sees nothing. All the while my uncle is moaning and groaning, oh my toe, my toe. It hurts so bad.

The doctor looks at him, starts moving his big toe and says, does this hurt. And my uncle says, not that toe, my other toe. So the doctor moves on to the other foot and does the same thing. My uncle still says, no not that toe my other toe. The doctor, very perplexed by now, asks my uncle to point to which toe hurts.

At this point my uncle promptly throws off his sheet and removes his robe, which he is buck ass nekkid underneath and grabs his pee-pee and says this toe! Mind you the doctor’s face is pretty much down there already since he was, after all, looking at his toe!

I bet they didn’t prepare him for this in podiatry school. It’s bad enough the poor man has to clip grody tonails all day anyway, then to be called out for a house visit only to look at an aching penis. Ewww.

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

So, I lived with this guy once. This very hairy guy. I’m talking Chewbacca hairy. Like he would shave (or make me shave) his back in the shower and clog the drains. It was gross.

 And that’s not even what my post is about.

 One day he had this pain. Near his bum. And he wanted me to see what it was. I was all eww, get a mirror, but if you *really* need me to I will. There was this angry boil type thing near the top of the crack of his bum. Last place I really want to be looking thankyouverymuch.

 We tried everything, hot compresses, cold compresses, etc. But it just kept getting angrier and bigger. It was disgusting. We did some research on the internet and it turned out it was a Pilonidal Cyst . What happens with this is that typically if they are not infected, they just develop under the skin. But they also need to drain. So you get this little “hole” for the pus to drain out of.

 There is really not much that you can do for it except go to the doctor so they can lance it and it will drain. Problem solved.

 Except he’s a dude. And he doesn’t like to go to the doctor. So he’d rather fix it himself. And by him fixing it, I mean he wanted me to sterilize a pin and pop it. My response:

No. Fucking. Way.

 So he did it himself. And it drained all sorts of gross stuff. And it got infected. And he had to go to the doctor and have it taken care of anyway. Silly boy.

 How I ever slept with him again after the hairy back and the cyst-y butt, I don’t know.

 I deserve sainthood I think.

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

A friend of a friend was at a party with her then boyfriend.

 Drinks, food, friends, music….what else could you possibly ask for? Umm, sex!

 After having a few drinks and gyrating on the dance floor to some great tunes, her boyfriend decides that it’s time to get a little action. No matter that there are about 30 other people around. So they sneak off to an empty bedroom.

 They are all hawt and heavy. And she has totally lost all of her inhibitions after having a few sweet libations. She is typically a pretty reserved kind of gal, so this was not the norm for her and boyfriend was absolutely loving it. She typically doesn’t like to go downtown, but since she was feeling no pain, boyfriend decided he would try and get a little action that he didn’t normally get. So he asks, and to his surprise, she agrees and seems really into it. I won’t go into her details, for fear of this turning into a wham, bam thank you ma’am kind of site.

 She’s going to town and he is totally enjoying himself. She can tell he’s getting really excited and very close to the point of no return….so she takes er, um, one particularly large mouthful and completely gags herself. Eyes start watering, she gets that tingling feeling in her jaw, mouth starts watering, she’s there, she knows she can’t stop it, it’s too far gone….

She starts heaving and gagging and sputtering and totally pukes all over his package.

 I guess I probably don’t need to say that it definitely ruined the mood and he totally didn’t get to “finish” and I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say, he didn’t ask for that again!

 Bottom line, take a tip from Fast Times at Ridgemont High and practice, practice, practice.

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!***

So, my girlfriend once dated this guy who, um…er, liked a little anal stimulation during sex. It wasn’t oral stimulation, she used her fingers. I guess there is some spot down there that can make orgasms extremely intense for dudes if pressed on or fondled the right way. Can’t say that I’ve ever tried, so I’m relaying this second hand, no pun intended!

 One night they were getting all hot and heavy and while she was going down on him, he requested a little bit of this anal stimulation. She happily obliged and a night of explosive love ensued.

 Next morning she gets up to go to the bathroom. Upon completing her *business* she goes to the sink to wash her hands and notices all this shit under her fingernails. Like literally, shit. Somebody didn’t clean their poop-shoot good enough I guess! Desperately, she starts scrubbing her hands and trying to get under her nails clean and all. She swore up and down that this would be the last time that she would take care of that kind of business for him.

 It just strikes me as funny that she washed her hands after doing her own business, but didn’t think to wash her hands after playing around with her boyfriends butthole! Geez, get your sanitary priorities right girl!

TMI Thursday!!!

Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

Once again, my TMI Thursday topic is not about me. But it’s like way more fun to give TMI on other people.

 My cousin recently had a baby. By recently, I mean last November. She decided that breast feeding was the way to go. (No offense to any to any breast feeders out there. It’s just not something I would be into if I had a child, but I’m in no way, shape or form opposed to it for others!)

 Every single time we saw her the baby was suckling at the teat. I mean several times in a matter 1.5 hours. But hey, who am I to judge (even though I just did!)  I don’t know how often babies need to breast feed, even though I do have friends who have done that I certainly haven’t seen them do it quite as much. But whatevs, that’s not the TMI part.

 Flash forward to her having to go back work after the maternity leave is up. Baby-daddy has been bringing the child to her work every day so she can breast feed in the car. Which can get to be a bit time consuming and I’m sure it’s frustrating for the baby as well. Well, bright cuz of mine had a brilliant idea. Please don’t judge me…..remember, I cannot choose my family!

 She’s all, I told Baby-daddy that he should let the baby suck on his nipple when I’m not around so he can soothe her crying. I’m all, eww, that is completely wrong on so many different levels. She’s all, no it’s not, he’s her father and it’s just to keep her from crying. I’m all, haven’t you ever heard of CIO (cry it out) or a pacifier? She’s all it’s better this way. I’m all, she’s totally choke on a hairball, did you forget, guys have hair on their nipples!

 This seriously has disturbed me since she even mentioned it. Thankfully, Baby-daddy had enough sense to refuse.

 Which kinda shocks me because he’s totally as dumb as a box of rocks. And she wears the pants in the family. And apparently, the tits too!

Courtesy of Lilu

Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

Ok, so this totally happened a while ago..I was in HS (don’t judge!)

So, my boyfriend and I are getting hot and heavy and decide that it’s time to take the next step and totally, like, go all the way.  He gets the condom on and we get busy (at least we were using protection, right?!?!) It doesn’t help that he totally doesn’t know what he’s doing, and he’s kind of all on top of me with my legs closed moving all around asking me if  it’s good and I’m all, dude, you’re not even in yet!

We finally get everything moving the way it’s supposed to be (not good, but hey, it’s teenage sex, what can I expect!) and it doesn’t really last that long…but in all fairness, it was his first time. Then the big finish. Then the pull out.  Then the taking off of said rubber…..where’stheflippingrubber? Screeeccchhhh. Part of it is still entact on his now flacid penis, but the rest of it?

Gone. No idea where it went. So he starts fishing (no pun intended) around inside all of my girly bits, but nothing. No really knowing how much broke off of where the hell it went to, we just go on our business.

Flash forward a week later. Said boyfriend and I are going at it  fooling around again. He starts to , er um, pleasure me with his fingers and he’s all, whoa, what’s this? Guess what he pulled out?

The rest of the damn rubber.

A week later.

Ewww, I am so lucky I didn’t some nasty infection or something.  After that I did what any normal person would do.

I went on the pill.

So, for my TMI Thursday post I have a post about poop.

I have this friend. With all of his bowel issues, he should take stock in Immodium. And he’s gay. Not that it matters, just thought I would share.

So check it, he’s out on a date with his latest boy toy. They do dinner, they have drinks, they decided to hit up a club, but first,  they take a nice long walk on the beach.

Waves crashing onto the shore, moonlight, the best kind of mood lighting there is. Hand holding. Cramps…WTF!!??!!?

And so it begins.

You know what I’m talking about. That “oh, dear” moment when know that you have to find a fuckingbathroomquick.

The boy toy decides to take the long route on the beach, of course. Friend is really starting to panic, looking around in desparation for a bathroom, anywhere. None to be found. He knows it’s coming…there’s no way to avoid it, no matter how hard he tries or clenches.

He does what any person in his situation would do (well, I certainly wouldn’t, but that’s just me.)

He shits his pants.

And then “pretends” to fall in a puddle that has miraculously formed on the beach, to, um, cover his evidence.

The date ended pretty quickly after that. I should hope so…..hand holding, moonlight and shitty pants. Not my idea of a rocking time!